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| Redneck quickies 21 You might be a redneck if... Your kid takes a siphon hose to show-and-tell. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado. You fish in your above-ground pool. . . and catch something. When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans. Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town. Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck. Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock. You dated your daddy's current wife in high school. You're moved to tears every time you hear Dolly Parton singing "I Will Always Love You". You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item. Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (your insurance man is a redneck too if he pays you for it). You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education. You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately. You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub. Your momma gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events. Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair. Your dad is also your favorite uncle. Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded. During your senior year you and your mother had homeroom together. |
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